Worldly Chatter

I am really beginning to hate that question and Dutchie is tired of the ‘why don’t you move there with her?’ You see people, I have said this before and I shall say this again. I cannot sponsor Dutchie and bring her to America. My country does NOT recognize my relationship to her, it’s just that simple. My marriage to her will mean squat to the US government. How then do I bring Dutchie to the US for her to live there with me? She can try to find work in the US and hope a company would be willing to put the time, effort and gobs of money to get her a work permit and a green car. Since this is highly unlikely so what else is there? She is Dutch; her family is Dutch so there is no one else to sponsor her. My government makes it impossible for us to establish a family in the country, they stipulate that my relationship doesn’t count under the laws of immigration therefore there is no chance, no hope and not a prayer that can be said so long as that administration is in office.

The other thing I am slightly puzzled over as well as Dutchie is this. When people ask me how I like it or do I plan to remain here indefinitely I say yes. They ask me what about America, won’t you miss it or want to live there again. I say no, I miss my family and friends but don’t miss living there and they literally stand there dumbfounded over this! I’ll tell you something, people have a strange perception of my country. I mean no disrespect to my American readers and I mean no disrespect to those that love their country or wish to live there but I have no desire to live that way again.
In living here, I have seen and experienced things that I cannot over look. Health insurance, work, food that is not only healthy but affordable and this notion that I am just like everyone else! I haven’t experienced any of the discrimination and crap I went through living in the US. I can’t deny that fact. I sit here legally engaged; according to the IND and the town of Hilversum, I am engaged to Dutchie and will marry her in September. The federal government has not said, no you can’t do that, you’re gay! The government only asked that I prove that she is the only one by submitting documents stating I have never been married or partnered with anyone else. When I walk down the street holding her hand, no one stares, gawks or points. There are no comments and you don’t feel as though you are somehow offending someone when you walk past them while they give you the evil eye.
Why in the world would I want to go back to being denied the simple rights and go back to being abnormal and discriminated against when I know that there is more out there? Knowing that I have found something for me that makes me happier than I ever have, why give that up to go back to America, just because it is the place of my birth? When I explain all this to people at work they stand there not understanding. They really don’t get that I cannot marry her there and that their country is rare when it comes to the rights of gay people. They also don’t realize how expensive it is to live there, at least where I lived in NY and CT, and don’t realize that so many Americans go through life with no health insurance. I really think they get some distorted version of my country through movies. Once I explain a few things, like how I lived without insurance, not a lot of jobs and the inability to bring Dutchie over there, I then get a ‘ohhhhh I see! I didn’t realize!’ or I get ‘yeah well if your country is like that I wouldn’t either!’ Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of great things about my country; there are a great many things I like and love about my home but I am happy where I am and find life a lot better here in Holland. I guess the fact that I have to constantly explain this is getting rather old and annoying. Sometimes it isn’t enough to state that I like it better here, they want to know why and what was it like. It makes for interesting conversation but really, why don’t you bring her there does get old quick.

worldly chatter, American expat, Dutch, Netherlands, gay rights, gay marriage