Worldly Chatter

I am struggling and am beginning to understand why so many expats get depressed. I slowly understand why the IND feels it is necessary for expats to have coverage for depression. It’s frustrating out there. I went to Amsterdam via train to look for work. Before that, I stopped at the sociale zaken to ask about my integration. Yes, they have my name on file and know I am waiting ever so patiently. The most important thing is that they know I am here, is what I am told. No, the most important thing is that I am actually integrated. They demand I integrate, speak Dutch and basically disappear into society. Demand something yet not come through with it. It has been over a month and I am told they will get to me as soon as they can. In the mean time, I am not getting the help I need and am suffering for it.
I went to Tempo-Team, a job agency, to see about some work. They cannot help because my Dutch is not good enough. They deal with production jobs, assembly line and packaging, plus catering and other stuff like that. Jobs where you don’t interact with people much of the time here and they won’t help me. Fine, so it is Amsterdam I go, the city of tourists!
From noon until four, I was walking around the city, CV’s on me with all the paper work I needed. I was going to find a job! I filled out applications, handed in CV’s, chatted with management and staff in hopes of work. I definitely got my fair share of ‘you don’t speak enough Dutch’ or ‘do you speak a third language?’ Languages, languages, languages! They all loved my English and the experience they were looking for, that didn’t seem to be an issue. It was my Dutch. Ik heb zo moe! (I am so tired) I want to help and work, feel productive and useful for once, because right now I feel anything but useful. I feel pathetic, useless and a sponge. Dutchie constantly reminds me that I am not yet the feeling is there, especially since bills get bigger now that I am a resident. How can I not feel like a sponge? I am desperate not to feel this way. We both knew that at first Dutchie would have to take care of everything, the way the IND wanted it, after I would be able to work and help in the household finances. We knew this and yet my patience doesn’t seem to be there. I will find work, I just need patience I guess. I will find work. I will.

Jobs in Amsterdam, Amsterdam, expat, Netherlands, Dutch language