Oh America the great huh??
A fellow 451press writer posted an article that caught my attention and tore my heart up reading it. Lez Keep It Real, I thank you! It is the story of Brett Conrad and Patrick Atkins’, their 25 years together and Patrick’s’ sudden illness in Indiana. In March of 2005, Patrick had a ruptured aneurysm and later a stroke while in hospital care. When Brett Conrad went to see him, the Atkins’ family barred him from seeing their son. They were against the relationship from the start and do not want their son’s partner of 25 years to visit. This has made it all the way to court! They lived together for 25 years, sharing bank accounts, renting various apartments before finally buying a home together. It meant nothing. Guardianship went immediately to Patrick’s parents where he now lives. The court granted Brett Conrad visitation rights but left guardianship in the hands of the parent. The article can be found on Lindsey’s Lez Keep it Real page.
As I read this article aloud to Dutchie, it really got us both thinking. As you are aware, September 3rd is our wedding day. It is legally binding and I will be guardian of Dutchie should anything happen, as she is mine. I would be responsible for her, the assets and debts we share and anything else that may come up. It will be a marriage just as any heterosexual couples with all of its benefits. I will have what so many gay people in my own country desperately need, security, protection and peace of mind. I am so blessed to have this and I know it every day I wake. Many people want what I have for the very reasons that Atkins’ and Conrad wanted it, to ensure that they would be able to care for each other and not have the law run amuck of their lives and tear them apart.
In the Netherlands, Canada, Spain, Britain and Belgium, our marriage will matter and upheld to the fullest of the law. If anything were to happen, Dutchie and I would be able to care for each other, as these countries acknowledge we are married.
What happens when we visit America?
As we read this story our hearts sank for them and a realization began to hit us. Our marriage won’t mean jack in America! What if something were to happen to me, would Dutchie be able to maintain guardianship over my health and wishes? On the other hand, would she have to wait in the waiting room until my parents arrived before she could even see me? In NY, for example, there is no law allowing us to even have a civil ceremony. We do not have any form of NY documentation on Power of Attorney nor will our marriage license mean anything to them as they do not recognize gay marriage. What in the world would happen then?
What if we visited Texas, Tennessee or California where none of my family lives, would anything Dutchie does or says matter in how I am cared for? The thought frightens me terribly! The very thing I will be blessed to have in less than a month won’t mean anything in America and this story makes me wonder if the same thing could happen to us even though we are legally married in the eyes of the law under the Kingdom of the Netherlands? I don’t believe for a second that my parents would deny Dutchie anything, they know her, love her and have welcomed her into the family. However, there are couples from Canada, Belgium and Holland who travel to America and are married. What if anything happened while on vacation? Would America accept them as guardians and do what the partner feels is in the best interest of their spouse or would they call the next of kin?
It really makes me wonder…
Everyone is equal under the law, isn’t that how it goes? yeah…
gay marriage, glbt rights, Gay Marriage in America, Marriage in the Netherlands, Worldy Chatter, Patrick Atkins and Brett Conrad of Indiana
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