Worldly Chatter

Ik ben ziek en ik ben moe! Echt ziek! I have the flu! All the achiness and tiredness, plus I go from hot to cold and things taste weird! I stayed home from work on Tuesday and tried to go back yesterday but I only lasted three hours. Now I sort mail into its post codes and after I sort it further into street and house number for delivery. It isn’t hard to do brain power wise but it does take a bit of body work because we all know paper, when in bulk, can be really heavy. After the original sorting into post code, we take the boxes to our little desk and sort it all. Can I tell you how heavy it all felt! Normally I don’t have any trouble but yesterday it hurt so bad to do it. I started to do it and got four or five streets in when I just couldn’t take it any longer and told work I was going home, I shouldn’t have come in after all.

I ride my bike to work every day and it takes ten minutes, twelve tops, but yesterday I actually had to stop to catch my breath and let my heart calm down before I could go on. Madness I tell you. I rarely get sick like this, a cold maybe but not like this so I feel worse than what I should. I keep telling myself I can go to work and do stuff, this is ridiculous! Yet all I did was the dishes and vacuum today and I wanted to die! I lay on the couch and wanted to die. And of course, I don’t have American medicine that masks the symptoms the Dutch just suck it up and does it the old fashioned way; soup, teas, vitamins and bed rest. Oh wait, I take stuff to help me sweat it out but other than that its teas and vitamins to kick this things butt. So I do as the Dutch do it, gently aid my body in fighting it on its own. I was spoiled as an American with all those lovely cold medicines!

Worldly Chatter, American medicine, Dutche remedies, Flu

Previous rambles here!

When I go out into the world I live in, I often ponder, do I stand out still or do I blend? Have I gotten down the Dutch ways enough? Well, while my family was here, I actually got to watch them and see how they mingle or struggle within this overwhelmingly different society and I actually saw how much I have adapted, accepted and blended within Holland. I actually sat back a time or two and watched how the four of them got on here and the variations were astonishing to me even though they are all New Yorkers and family. I had assumed that the reactions and handling of their new surroundings would be at least a tad similar. I was so wrong, at least with one New Yorker. I imagine I will ruffle a few feathers but what can I do about it, I write it as I see it right? Anyway, it is rather important to me to write about some observations on my step mother; not to have her stand out and point fingers at her, rather it is to make a point that I will get to.

Now, I have no problems doing touristy things here in Holland or anywhere else, I thoroughly enjoy them actually. I haven’t any trouble trying something new; I moved here didn’t I, so I had to be ok with it. When you go on vacation or simply try something new, there should always be a certain level of openness to it all. Expect it to be different, at least to a degree. Also, especially going to a different country, you should always expect the unexpected; realize that language will be different as will the customs. It is what makes the world go round, the many cultures I mean. It adds a little color and flare to life and, in theory that is part of why one goes on vacation. My step mother wants to do the really touristy stuff, the tour guides mentioned in the books you can buy at your local Barns and Nobel. These tours already expect non locals and will adapt to you to keep people like you, and your money, coming. What happens when you stray ever so slightly away from the tourist hot spots mentioned in the books? You get a woman who freaks out, gets pissy and demands something that reminds her, even if vaguely, of home sweet home.

This is my problem. You are in Holland, in a town that isn’t well known for tourism, can you really expect the menus to be in English while being in a Dutch nation? No, not really. Yet, there she was demanding to the waitress that there be a wine list in English at a Argentinean restaurant we went to in a little part of Hilversum. We also went to a pub in Hilversum and went to that waitress demanding an English menu in a snippy, condescending attitude. The waitress kindly pointed out the English at the bottom of every item but was quite snippy to my step mother thereafter. The Dutch attitude is simple; I give to you what you give to me.

You see, Europeans look at Americans in one of two ways, usually. There is the selfish, pompous, arrogant American who worships the stars and stripes and will not accept anything that is non-American, to the point of trashing or snarling at anything that is remotely different than what they know. When they go to places like Europe, they have a tendency to look down on European customs and traditions because in most cases, they are drastically different than the average American lifestyle. My step mother, when we went to Amsterdam, looked down on the laws that make this land, particularly the Coffee Shops, where you purchase your marijuana, the prostitution and the laid back nature of the people. Now Amsterdam is a major city yet, to a New Yorker, this is still a slow city. It is more laid back than what is familiar to the New Yorker. When you go out to eat, the service is more relaxed and slower; it is the same with pretty much everything else you do in the city. There is a reason why it is called a New York Minute and nothing else. I admit it was hard to adapt to the laid back nature of the Dutch but like my brother said, you’re on vacation, just relax and go with it. It was another thing she could not get over. It seemed every meal there was a complaint.

My brother was a true champion through it all. He did chatted with the locals when he went out, even danced with a few Dutchie’s and got the concept real quick; enjoy your stay and remember that what you give a Dutchie, they will give back. I recall him telling us about a bar he went to where they asked him what he thought of President Bush. After the surprise of being asked right off, he answered and had a wonderful chat with said Dutchie. Dutchie’s want to know if you are the first American tourist or the second one they see; the laid back, open minded person who is in it to enjoy himself and not criticize the world to their faces. Since a lot of Europeans see this second American less frequently than they do the first, are a little reserved about us Americans. What will we be like? What will we say and do to upset the balance or will they embrace the balance?

Try this on for size. If you are an American and you have pride for your country, is there anything wrong with that? Absolutely not. Is there anything wrong with getting into a debate over your country, argue a point and back up the patriotism you hold? Absolutely not. What I find annoying is when you have faith and pride for something and someone voices their opinion that doesn’t match your own and you end the conversation because you don’t see it that way then I have issue. We have every right to express our thoughts even if it doesn’t match yours. Just brushing us off and telling us that America is the greatest nation on the planet and you will defend it but don’t actually do so; what is that about? She actually sat there telling us that it was the greatest nation on the planet and she would defend it while we were having a conversation about Bush and the administrative policies and then had the nerve to say that it didn’t matter anyway because what goes on in the white house doesn’t affect us anyway. Say what?

I can understand that a person of religious convictions would not be too keen on attending a lesbian wedding. I respect that and will do what I can to make you comfortable without compromising my happiness or comfort. My step mother couldn’t attend due to those convictions yet attended the reception and it was the reason that puzzled me some. Because I was the daughter of her husband, she would attend. A little odd but alright, I can work with that. She did congratulate us but thought it odd that this country allow gay marriage. When I pointed out that there was no distinction between straight marriage and gay marriage here in the Netherlands she was surprised by this. Isn’t it separate but equal? No, this isn’t America, we actually have rights here just like everyone else.

Yet I think the one thing I have lingering emotion for is the next day, after the wedding, when we went to see Momma Dutchie. My father had some pictures on his digital camera so we were able to show her some and she gave me a token to show I was a part of the family. A necklace that belonged to her mother, she gave to me to show that she loved me, accepted me as a member of the family and a gift of sorts to say all that. We both cried and it was a touching, loving moment for Dutchie, Momma Dutchie and myself. My step mother was in the corner of the room and was going on about how there was so much to do now that we were in Den Haag and we just had to get to Delft at a reasonable time so she could get back to the hotel at a decent time. I had spoken to my father about going weeks in advance. This was my mother in law and I wanted her to meet my dad. It was quite important to me and he understood that. We were in her room and decided to have some coffee with her in the diner downstairs so we got her oxygen and chair ready and off we went. It was a lovely time, dad tried to converse with her despite his lack of Dutch and sis in law and Dutchie helped in his quest. My step mother sat there, impatient, non talkative and kept looking at her watch. Of all the things to do, Momma Dutchie could not attend so we went to her so she could congratulate us and meet my father and she pushed and tried to rush the whole thing, making Momma Dutchie, Dutchie and I feel insignificant to her master plans of seeing Holland.

We spent two hours in Den Haag and two hours in Delft; that is what she rushed everyone for. Shopping and to complain about the weather and the slowness of it all.

The reason I vent, the reason I point her out above all else is because this is what Europeans talk about when they talk about rude Americans coming over the pond. A self absorbed, arrogant, ignorant person who won’t even try to appreciate the place they came to. If you come to a place to visit then don’t do this, don’t be so unappreciative or complete about every little thing to their faces. Remember, you went to them, they didn’t come to you so show some respect for where you are at.

worldy chatter, rambles, American tourists

I am really beginning to hate that question and Dutchie is tired of the ‘why don’t you move there with her?’ You see people, I have said this before and I shall say this again. I cannot sponsor Dutchie and bring her to America. My country does NOT recognize my relationship to her, it’s just that simple. My marriage to her will mean squat to the US government. How then do I bring Dutchie to the US for her to live there with me? She can try to find work in the US and hope a company would be willing to put the time, effort and gobs of money to get her a work permit and a green car. Since this is highly unlikely so what else is there? She is Dutch; her family is Dutch so there is no one else to sponsor her. My government makes it impossible for us to establish a family in the country, they stipulate that my relationship doesn’t count under the laws of immigration therefore there is no chance, no hope and not a prayer that can be said so long as that administration is in office.

The other thing I am slightly puzzled over as well as Dutchie is this. When people ask me how I like it or do I plan to remain here indefinitely I say yes. They ask me what about America, won’t you miss it or want to live there again. I say no, I miss my family and friends but don’t miss living there and they literally stand there dumbfounded over this! I’ll tell you something, people have a strange perception of my country. I mean no disrespect to my American readers and I mean no disrespect to those that love their country or wish to live there but I have no desire to live that way again.
In living here, I have seen and experienced things that I cannot over look. Health insurance, work, food that is not only healthy but affordable and this notion that I am just like everyone else! I haven’t experienced any of the discrimination and crap I went through living in the US. I can’t deny that fact. I sit here legally engaged; according to the IND and the town of Hilversum, I am engaged to Dutchie and will marry her in September. The federal government has not said, no you can’t do that, you’re gay! The government only asked that I prove that she is the only one by submitting documents stating I have never been married or partnered with anyone else. When I walk down the street holding her hand, no one stares, gawks or points. There are no comments and you don’t feel as though you are somehow offending someone when you walk past them while they give you the evil eye.
Why in the world would I want to go back to being denied the simple rights and go back to being abnormal and discriminated against when I know that there is more out there? Knowing that I have found something for me that makes me happier than I ever have, why give that up to go back to America, just because it is the place of my birth? When I explain all this to people at work they stand there not understanding. They really don’t get that I cannot marry her there and that their country is rare when it comes to the rights of gay people. They also don’t realize how expensive it is to live there, at least where I lived in NY and CT, and don’t realize that so many Americans go through life with no health insurance. I really think they get some distorted version of my country through movies. Once I explain a few things, like how I lived without insurance, not a lot of jobs and the inability to bring Dutchie over there, I then get a ‘ohhhhh I see! I didn’t realize!’ or I get ‘yeah well if your country is like that I wouldn’t either!’ Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of great things about my country; there are a great many things I like and love about my home but I am happy where I am and find life a lot better here in Holland. I guess the fact that I have to constantly explain this is getting rather old and annoying. Sometimes it isn’t enough to state that I like it better here, they want to know why and what was it like. It makes for interesting conversation but really, why don’t you bring her there does get old quick.

worldly chatter, American expat, Dutch, Netherlands, gay rights, gay marriage

Friday was a hectic but great day. Hustling around gave me a sense of productivity and accomplishment. Having to run to Utrecht back to Hilversum then go to Amsterdam back to Hilversum made my day busy, at times a little chaotic but missed. I miss the feeling of having something to do and somewhere to go. I want to be the person who multi tasks and has a schedule to keep until the day’s end. I received my sofi-number with no fuss and headed back to Hilversum to do some errands before heading to Amsterdam for my interview.
I admit I was nervous. This was a position that would mean a lot to Dutchie and I. It would give me an opportunity to work, be successful and productive. I went through the specs of the company when I received them on Thursday but also on the train so it would stay fresh in my head. As is customary here in Holland, companies go through agencies. A recruiter interviews you and assesses whether you would work out for their client. So a recruiter I interviewed with and assessed my abilities and what I lacked. My resume definitely needed tending to but he thought I would be able to handle the job well and had the personality for it. Good show! I lacked some experience they were looking for but also had some that were essential. If I could clean up my resume, make it more to their liking and send it over for Monday morning he would get right on it. He would write his assessment of me and send my resume to them.
I got home around four, immediately took a shower and made tea and sat on the couch with resume and notebook. I rewrote, added details, emphasized the skills and habits that the company was looking for. I wrote a profile that would attract them to me and sent it that night. Why wait until Monday when I had it done Friday night? I had a few questions that I neglected to ask during the interview and sent it. Now Monday morning I eagerly await his reply! I made it through the first interview! Will my resume sell me enough to get me the second interview? I pray it is! Sell yourself on paper so you can sell yourself in person. I am a writer. Sell myself and my abilities by writing it all down in a way that would make them give me a chance. Oh, I want it to be enough!
However, while I await his reply I cannot possibly sit on my bottom without doing something right. So six more resumes went out in the course of my first cup of coffee. More motivation emails with attachments. More attempts to sell myself on paper so I can sell myself in person. I have to make a few phone calls now that I actually have my sofi-number. I received my insurance card this weekend but they do not have my number so now I have to call them so they can send me another card with my number. I have to call the agency I went on my first interview with so they have my number and can get me work.
This weekend has been stressful, emotional and I start Monday off in that fashion. Hanging on to a hope and a desire; I send out more and wait to hear from people. I go out and grab a hold of whatever I can get my hands on that will benefit me and Dutchie. I will do this! I can do this! I am the little engine that could!

job hunting, expat, Netherlands, Job Markets, Recruitment agencies

As I venture further into society here and mingle with the natives, I have come to interesting findings along the way. I can recall a time when I was living on Long Island, New York and me and some friends were driving through Bay Shore when our car died. Mind you, this was the age of beepers and not many of us as teenagers and young adults had cell phones yet. We were at a corner with a 7-11 so we walked over and asked the man behind the counter if we could use his phone to call for some help; our car had died after all. No, use the payphone, its outside. There was three of us and wouldn’t you know it, all we had were five and ten dollar bills. Could you break a five for us so we can get some quarters? Nope, you need to buy something. Therefore, we bought something to get some change and called for help. The battery died so the tow truck jumped the car and we were on our merry way.
Now let us fast forward a few years and into Holland. Dutchie did a very silly thing a couple of months back; she left the car lights on all night long! In the morning when we got in the car, by golly it would not start! Dutchie gets out of the car because there is not much point in sitting in a car that will not go anywhere and sees a neighbor across the small intersection working on his truck. We do not know this man; I cannot even recall seeing him before. Dutchie walks across the street and talks to him for a moment then returning with the wonderful news that he will jump-start the car. Well isn’t that nifty! He started our car, hartelijk bedankt’s and graag gedaan’s were exchanged and off we went.
It was so fascinating how a complete stranger helped so willingly.
Now you remember my interview and the adventure that was in Amsterdam right. My American bottom was going the wrong way after getting off the bus so I walk into a convenient store and politely say to him that I have a question. Waar is deze straat while pointing to the directions I had on me. Ik weet het niet, I don’t know, while he scratches his head. I show him my map and the nice woman in the store knows where it is! My companion if you recall. Well the reason I bring it up is that it is another example I have for you. A woman in an electric wheel chair in Albert Hein needed something that was on the top shelve. She kindly asks me and I get it for her; just the way people are here. With all these examples, it was no wonder Dutchie was surprised when we vacationed on Long Island and visited the city.
There is a bagel shop on Sunrise Highway, the corner of Hubbard’s Path where I remember getting bagels and coffee there as a teenager. I wanted Dutchie to experience a real New York bagel so that is where we had lunch one afternoon. We were sitting at our table, Dutchie marveling at how large and filling the bagel was when a man got up from his table and headed to the door with two canes holding him up and aiding in his walking. Another patron walks in the shop and closes it just as the elderly man was making it to the door. Dutchie saw this take place and could not understand why the woman did not hold the door so she put the bagel down and opened the door for the elderly man. That is when he looked at her a tad perplexed but was grateful all the same.
On our walk back, Dutchie could not understand why no one else helped him or why he looked at her the way he did. She asked me why and was not satisfied with any answer I gave. Some people just do not help others. Some are simply too wrapped in their own thoughts to notice. Do not get me wrong, people in NY can be quite helpful and polite. Dutchie did get to see that in the city but this really bothered her and as I mingle better with the natives here in Holland, I can see why.
The atmosphere is different. In general, people seem more relaxed and into their surroundings rather than in some other world in their head. I have experienced some Dutch people who were downright rude and obnoxious to me but I have also experienced them being kind and thoughtful. It seems more the norm than what I was used to living in CT or Long Island. I had to get used to my neighbor saying ‘hallo’ to me even though we did not know each other. Now we chat it up and has even been there on a few occasions when we needed some help.
It’s a different beat I have to go by. More relaxed and even a little slower than the pace I was used to keeping. Even when I was rushing for my train and making sure I caught the right bus the people around me were hurried but not in so much of a rush not to see the people around them. The more I step out of my box the more I see how much I really have to adapt. I still keep my New York pace and feel lost for answers when they ask me why I am in such a hurry. I will adapt and hopefully will keep the same pace, slow my step and get to know the people around me better. Then maybe I will understand Dutchie better and why stuff bothers her when it does not me.

Netherlands, American expat, Dutch, integration, adaptation

Whether you get the concept of global warming or not; believe it’s just tree hugging people going to extreme or believe it is real the Dutch see it as a serious concern and have been taking steps to ensure its country’s survival. Polar ice caps are melting and it is causing the sea to rise. It can be felt on the river Rhine and it can be felt along the Delta works as rising waves crash into the Dutch’s defenses to keep their feet dry. The Netherlands is known throughout the world as a low lying country, 70% of the land is either below or at sea level. They are also know for their ingenious ways of keeping back the sea with their dams, dikes and other defenses surrounding the coast and their knack for taking back land from the sea. According to the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, rainfall in the Netherlands could increase in the coming century by up to 25% and the sea level rise by more than three feet. While they would love nothing more than to keep their precious land from Mother Nature but they have come to realize the day might come where they can fight no more and have to give back that which they have fought so hard for. So if it is a losing battle in the end and it is inevitable they will lose land to the North Sea why fight? We will simply live on the water!

On a small estate on the banks of the river Maas, south of Arnhem, Factor Achitecten as designed homes for developers Dura Vermerron. They were designed so that when the river breaks it banks each of the 37 homes will rise on a pair of 15-foor concrete piles to escaoe the torrent. As the water recedes the homes will drop back down to solid ground.
Architect Art Zaaijer has designed homes for building company Ooms Bouwmaatschappij and these also float. They are build on a floating platform made of Styrofoam wrapped in a thin shell of concrete, the floors and walls are fashioned from lightweight prefabricated wooden panels and the facade is clad in coated aluminium ultimately making the outer skin maintenance free. They want to create whole new water-based quarters for Hollanders. One such prominent area is the new Ijburg district of Amsterdam. The company will provide floating offices, schools, hospitals and transport facilities.
Of course homes and offices aren’t the only concern of the Dutch. Where would all the cars go? On roads of course! These roads are in progress right now but the idea is rather simple. Take pieces of road made of durable lightweight material and link them together you have a road to cross the water on. They can float with traffic and can be taken down if need be. Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam is below sea level and developers want a way to make floating runways for planes to land and take off safely. Will all of Holland be floating in the decades to come? It’s better that than the alternative. The Dutch have always been inventive when it comes to the waters around them, having to give some land back hasn’t stopped them from being creative and keeping their people nice and dry.

Flood homes, Factor Architecten, Aqua Villa - Ooms Bouwmaatschappij, global warming, Netherlands, Global warming in the Netherlands, Boat houses, House Boats

“What would you do if your child were gay?” That’s what Democratic presidential hopeful Chris Dodd asked some high school students in New Hampshire. I remember I asked my father that very same question years ago when I was just starting high school. I threw him for a loop when I asked that and he didn’t have much of an answer for me other than that he was adamant none of his children were gay. While it was not the answer I was looking for I was pleasantly surprised that when I did come out he was as open as any parent could be. Did that get him to thinking? I never asked but I do know that when he did find out he was prepared to ask questions and genuinely understand me and really get to know his daughter. I was a lucky woman as there are parents who are finding a different means to handle their child’s gayness. It is called conversion therapy, sexual reorientation therapy or reparative therapy; a means to turn the homosexual into an ex-gay as these individuals like to call themselves once they go through the treatment.
The treatment starts when people as young as fifteen are brought to a facility, much like a dormitory, and informed of the rules at hand. They have no say as to what they can watch, listen to and what they can wear. Men must shave daily and women twice weekly. No Abercrombie and Fitch or Calvin Klein. Bach or Beethoven is out of the question and any other form of media is dictated by them. Curfews are set in place, a log of every fantasy and thought goes to their therapist. Men get taught how to play football and other manly sports while the ladies get taught to put on makeup.
You see, the ex-gay movement believes that homosexuality is a set of behaviors causing the lifestyle choice rather than an orientation and a non-choice. They feel that the reasons for this are due to poor parenting, an inability to develop ‘healthy’ relationships with the same gender as friends and childhood traumas such as sexual abuse. These factors cause the behavior and therefore reparative therapy will be able to undo the damage and turn the person straight. Reparative therapies involve religious conditioning or therapy and prayer, also used is psychotherapy, aversion therapy and behavioral conditioning. One story that has circulated is where are residential treatment center used sedation, isolation, physical restraints and ‘hold therapy’ in which one girl was held down while the staff screamed at her until she confessed she was hurting her family by being a lesbian. How much of this is still being used one cannot say because the facility where parents send their children or individuals send themselves is closed to outsiders and videotaping is forbidden. The only source people have about the conditions of the place or techniques used are the people who come out of it and some of them are so traumatized to talk about it.
There are other means that people involved with the movement use. CD’s and DVD’s to condition their thoughts into believing they are falling for the opposite sex and their tendencies for the same sex are leaving their person. In Mark Simkin’s report on the subject he interviews Richard Cohen a reorientation therapist who feels it is unnatural and shows a few techniques he uses in his private office. One such practice shown was when he had a patient vent out his frustrations from childhood with a racket on a bed. The patient was screaming the agony Richard feels was bottled up. The racket is to get the aggression out so he can find peace with the trauma and to make himself a more powerful man; writing out childhood memories and therapy is used to bring out the faulty parenting and trauma which he believes is the cause of gayness.
Richard Cohen is one of about a hundred facilities and therapists practicing reorientation or conversion therapy across America where it is gaining in momentum. Critics of the practice see it as a dangerous fraud and that consequences are huge when it comes to the individual coming out of therapy. American Psychiatric Association and others feel that homosexuality is not a mental disorder and that it is impossible to change a person’s orientation. Critics also see it as a sham and a money maker as prices for one month in a treatment center can go as high as seven thousand dollars as well as all the books CD’s and other materials promoting the movement. There is no scientific backing for the success of the treatment and the centers themselves claim a rough number of 30% in success stories. Most treatment centers come from a religious background and reject what science as found when it comes to gays being born this way and continue to assert that it is behavioral and sinful.
Can all this really transform a human from gay to straight? Most don’t believe so and I tend to agree. Not only because I find nothing wrong with being a homosexual but also because with the methods used are detrimental to the individual who is only trying to find peace with who they are; it is brainwashing and in some cases cruel and inhumane. With what we do know about conversion therapy and what they do it reminds me a lot of boot camp and means to break them down and make them one entity and not individuals. What I also cannot understand is this is the very same religion that also preaches love, acceptance and a non-judgmental mentality towards its fellow man so how do they justify all this?

gay conversion, ex-gays, Richard Cohen, Mark Simkin, homosexuality