Worldly Chatter

Part one of this found here.

I wrote about Princess Maxima and her comment about the Dutch people not having an identity the other day. I wrote about how the Dutch people feel she isn’t Dutch enough to understand the populous, either individually or as a whole. Because she is from Argentina and only a Dutch national for 6 years they feel she doesn’t get them. They have an identity, individualistic and collectively.

So I tossed Dutchie a thought. When I was still living in America, Dutchie and I got into some heated debates about America and the American population. She gave me her opinion on the government and the people as she saw them there in the US and abroad. I saw the country and its people one way ad she saw some completely different things. How can this be? She saw American news as bias and misguided. I knew that the news on particular channels was favored one way or the other but what do you mean misguided? According to her, we didn’t everything she did. Preposterous and around we would go for another round of debates! When I arrived I finally understood. The news was different; the way Americans are perceived here is different from how we see ourselves. But how was I going to know that unless I stepped outside my one limited line of sight? One must really step outside the bubble to see everything that is inside it. If it is too crowded where you stand how are you going to see what is on the other side?

With that said, when I landed here in this little country I had a loud smack of a culture shock and a wakeup call when it came to my own country and previous way of living. What I saw about my own country from their eyes was astonishing. The way they saw our personalities, our policies and government was strong, sometimes good and sometimes bad but definitely had a thought on it all. The continent of Europe deals with America on many levels. Our American culture floods over theirs in the movies, television and other forms of media and entertainment. It is hard to move away from another country when it is all around you. What the government does what the celebrities do and what America creates spills over here. It is the same way on the other side. Business, fashion, government policies etc but not everyone sees it, or cares to. You would have an opinion about such a force too.

If Dutchie steps up to me with her thoughts on my country and all that that means then why can’t someone coming into their country? We now talk a great deal about my experiences here, my thoughts on how I see things and we don’t always agree. I may see something one way and she gets insulted or upset because it is different from what she sees. It is the same thing as when I was living in America. Did that make her think? I am outside her Dutch bubble just as she was outside my American bubble. Maybe the Princess was just trying to say that the Dutch person is an individual and that there is not one personality type that dominates the Dutch population, that they are truly all different and in that respect, isn’t that a compliment? They aren’t mindless drones but rather individuals in their own right. Again, why didn’t the Princess just say that? I haven’t a clue but maybe that is what she was trying to say. One really only knows but like I mentioned earlier the prime minister was trying to straighten it all out. It wasn’t meant to be taken that way. The Princess is in the same position I am and Dutchie is when she goes to America. What do you think? Was she wrong for speaking about the people when she wasn’t one herself or was she simply making an observation about what she sees as an outsider looking in?

Princess Maxima, Worldly Chatter, Dutch Culture, Dutch Identity

What is a cultural identity and do we all have one? Well, there are many Dutchie’s who believe they do and are furious with their Argentinean Princess for making the statement that the Dutch don’t have an identity. It has been news around here, so much so that our prime minister Balkenende tried to smooth things over with the public saying that things didn’t go down well with some people, especially those who are opposed to multiculturalism. I found a blogger who tacked this on www.expatica.com and I found what she said very interesting. Blog writer Michaela is the nomadic type who has an interesting perspective on cultures. When you aren’t partial or attached to any one place you can see outside the box better than those inside. After I read it I shared it with Dutchie and we chatted about what Princess Maxima had to say and why Dutchie’s all over are furious. To say the least, Dutchie had a thing or two to say on the matter and got a tad defensive over the whole thing.

“Who is she to come in here and tell us if we have an identity or not? Just because she married the Crown Prince does not make her an expert on our culture and who we are as individuals!” Maxima met Prince Willem Alexander in 1999, she was granted citizenship in 2001 so that she could marry the Crown Prince in 2002. Like the rest of us who relocate here, she had to take Dutch lessons and get a course in Dutch society. Dutchie states that this alone does not mean she has the ability to assess how she or any other Dutch native is. There are things that the Dutch are known for here in Europe, there individualism, curiosity and straight forwardness. Don’t go by some of the Americans that go and confuse them for Germans, they are very different from Germans, but because some see them as German because of language they don’t see the differences between. Anyway, that’s another topic!

Some people look at the statement she made in this way; that there are too many individualistic identities for there to be a national identity. Why didn’t she just say that Dutchie came out with? I didn’t write the speech so I wouldn’t know but if that’s what she meant, Dutchie is right, she should have said so. A lot of people have taken this one sentence out of an entire speech and lashed out at the Princess. The Dutch have an identity, they have a culture and it is in the small and big things they do, say and feel. Not everything can be put down on a list of identity characteristics like this is typically Dutch, this makes a person Dutch and so on and so forth. There are many things that make a person distinctly Dutch but not all can be seen by the average tourist or expat. A lot of Dutch people have strong characteristics and are curious and straight forward but would a tourist know this by going to the tourist hot spots? Not really and would the average expat see it? Maybe not, it depends on if they care to learn the Dutch folk. The Dutch have a reputation for being rude and I, at one point, thought the same thing when I first met Dutchie. I have come to learn and understand her as well as the average Dutchie. They aren’t rude. They are just curious people who don’t beat around the bush or tip toe around a subject. They will ask you directly, did you vote for Bush or tell you that shirt makes you look fat. Does it mean they are rude? No, it does not. Dutch people won’t talk unless they have something to say, they aren’t big on the pointless chatter, small talk or anything like that. They talk it means they have something to say and they weren’t taught that old saying I was taught; if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This does not make them rude but people see and listen to them for a moment and assume they are. They aren’t Dutch, they don’t take the time to know them yet make judgment calls based on a week or two here. Expats who live here and are so stuck in their ways from where they came from, don’t want to see the country and culture they put themselves in for what it is; they merely tear it to shreds, say how they do things different in their country and anything else is wrong or strange and this is what the Dutch feel the Princess has done. She isn’t one of them to know and shouldn’t make the comment she has made.

Think about this. I have a friend who is not American but has a strong opinion about America. Now, 95% of what he says, I agree with yet there have been moments where I have gotten so mad because he criticized and judged. He is not American, he has never lived in America long enough to truly appreciate or judge the characteristics of the average American. I am an American, I can say whatever I want, I AM the people and live the things that go on there. I lived there for 25 years and am only 27; this makes me a bit of an expert over him. The point is. People in any country hate it when someone from the outside say how things are and say who we are. The Dutch hate it too. Can I blame them, not really?

Yet at the same time I can see things that Dutchie cannot. She can see things about my culture and country that I cannot; merely for the fact that she isn’t in the thick of it. That’s part two of Cultural Identity!

Princess Maxima, Worldly Chatter, Cultural Identity, Dutch identity, Dutch Culture

Bagels and Beans is one of the few places where I can get a real bagel. I have a co-worker who is American and told him to check it out with me. Off we went for an afternoon lunch and coffee! We sat outside and enjoyed the slightly chilled air over cappuccino and a bagel. I have been here a while now and a bit on the slow side to making my own friends so it was so nice to suggest an outing after work! I can be so shy at times, especially when you are in a foreign place with a different language. It can leave you a tad nervous and shy. I did it however! I suggested something and we hung out on a terrace! Such a big girl I am!

It’s a bit strange to me, I used to be good at making friends, being the chatter bug and all that. Since I have been here, I have been quiet and iffy about stepping out of my shell. There wasn’t a reason in the world for it other than I was scared to face the new world I put myself in at a different angle. I’ve learned there are different angles to getting accustomed to your new country. Work wise, relationship wise and socially on top of all the other culture shocks and customs that are new and thrown at you. I have been getting into the work and social aspect of it on a slower pace than I would in America. It’s an interesting thing to consider. I lived in different states in America and never really had a problem piping up. It troubles me that I have changed in this way. Maybe now that I have done it once I will do it again and will break the shell right open! One can hope right. Does one consider the consequences like this? The isolation that is put on a person by your surroundings, the government, or yourself. I want to be as I was, bubbly and chatting. An outgoing person I will be darn it all! I can do it! I am a big girl!

expats, Netherlands, Worldly Chatter, making friends

I received a long comment on my previous post, Oh America the great huh, and I wanted to respond to it in this manner. It is something that has been pressing on me for a while and is something I must consider. All expats have these options provided they follow the proper rules to get there.

That is the comment left me. Give up my citizenship to become a Dutch National is something Dutchie and I have discussed extensively on. In three years I can actually apply for it providing I have a level to in the Dutch language and taken my imbergeringexam. After that three-year period, I don’t have to be American. It weighs heavily on me. It is a part of who I am because I am American It is my home and I am sure it always will be. There are days I hate the politics or the things that go on. There are even days where I don’t miss it, only my family and friends but it is still home, it is still a part of me. To simply throw it away without thought or passion is foolish and heartless in my opinion so I question it and go through it constantly. What would it mean to me if I were Dutch? What would that mean to Dutchie? What would that mean to my family and friends still living there? Having a Dutch passport doesn’t mean I am no longer American. My whole being was raised in America and is a part of me and that is something that a Dutch passport cannot take away. It only means I am a Dutch citizen and have permanent residence there.

In one respect, I taking the Dutch nationality make sense. I would no longer be subject to American law. It means that life would a bit easier for me and for Dutchie in Holland and in the EU. It isn’t just about being gay and what America feels about that, it is also about the life I have led there and how my life is here. The differences are astounding to me and I cannot ignore them. On the other hand, I will be subject to the same laws as Dutchie in regards to visiting America. If anything were to happen to a member of my family and extended stay were needed, I could be denied based on my Dutch nationality. It is something to also put into great thought.

In the comment, the writer wrote that if they thought of my safety and well-being they would visit me and not be concerned about me visiting the USA. It isn’t just about them, it is about me as well. Not everyone has the luxury to travel to Europe and it seems incredibly selfish to consider such a thing. Having them take the time off, spend the money and do all that is required for such a thing. Another thing that must be addressed again is that it IS my homeland. It is my place of birth, the place I was raised and it is the place I know. Visiting it to visit the country is part of visiting my family. A period to take me back and remember the good things about a country I have a hard time appreciating and liking. I struggle greatly with being an American in Europe. I struggle with the current administration and what it has done to it and what it always has been. There are many truths in the comment and there are some that I wouldn’t agree with. It gives me something to think about and it has been of great discussion in the house since.

The thing is that while I struggle with how I view my own country I also struggle with how others see it. It makes no sense to me when people trash it and I am bothered by something or another but then go ahead and trash this or that myself. Is it because I lived there and know things about it that gives me a different perspective? This writer has a passion that I appreciate and loath. I love to chat with this individual and get into great discussions over very heated and sensitive subjects. Yet there are times where the views expressed get to me, make me feel things I don’t have the words for and overall am beside myself with rage and frustration when all one sees is the bad in America. I will be the first to admit it has sever imperfections but I am not one to forget the things that are still good in America either.

These things weigh on me greatly this evening. They push down often and with great difficulty in releasing its grip. I want to become Dutch and forget the sorrows, hatred and pain in my own country yet I don’t want to forget that I am American and want to have the pride in being American again. It saddens me when I cannot argue with what goes on with America and cannot disagree with how things are done and how it looks from the outside. I want resolution from all this and yet see none at times.

worldly chatter, America, Dutch National, Expats, Expatriate

I am really beginning to hate that question and Dutchie is tired of the ‘why don’t you move there with her?’ You see people, I have said this before and I shall say this again. I cannot sponsor Dutchie and bring her to America. My country does NOT recognize my relationship to her, it’s just that simple. My marriage to her will mean squat to the US government. How then do I bring Dutchie to the US for her to live there with me? She can try to find work in the US and hope a company would be willing to put the time, effort and gobs of money to get her a work permit and a green car. Since this is highly unlikely so what else is there? She is Dutch; her family is Dutch so there is no one else to sponsor her. My government makes it impossible for us to establish a family in the country, they stipulate that my relationship doesn’t count under the laws of immigration therefore there is no chance, no hope and not a prayer that can be said so long as that administration is in office.

The other thing I am slightly puzzled over as well as Dutchie is this. When people ask me how I like it or do I plan to remain here indefinitely I say yes. They ask me what about America, won’t you miss it or want to live there again. I say no, I miss my family and friends but don’t miss living there and they literally stand there dumbfounded over this! I’ll tell you something, people have a strange perception of my country. I mean no disrespect to my American readers and I mean no disrespect to those that love their country or wish to live there but I have no desire to live that way again.
In living here, I have seen and experienced things that I cannot over look. Health insurance, work, food that is not only healthy but affordable and this notion that I am just like everyone else! I haven’t experienced any of the discrimination and crap I went through living in the US. I can’t deny that fact. I sit here legally engaged; according to the IND and the town of Hilversum, I am engaged to Dutchie and will marry her in September. The federal government has not said, no you can’t do that, you’re gay! The government only asked that I prove that she is the only one by submitting documents stating I have never been married or partnered with anyone else. When I walk down the street holding her hand, no one stares, gawks or points. There are no comments and you don’t feel as though you are somehow offending someone when you walk past them while they give you the evil eye.
Why in the world would I want to go back to being denied the simple rights and go back to being abnormal and discriminated against when I know that there is more out there? Knowing that I have found something for me that makes me happier than I ever have, why give that up to go back to America, just because it is the place of my birth? When I explain all this to people at work they stand there not understanding. They really don’t get that I cannot marry her there and that their country is rare when it comes to the rights of gay people. They also don’t realize how expensive it is to live there, at least where I lived in NY and CT, and don’t realize that so many Americans go through life with no health insurance. I really think they get some distorted version of my country through movies. Once I explain a few things, like how I lived without insurance, not a lot of jobs and the inability to bring Dutchie over there, I then get a ‘ohhhhh I see! I didn’t realize!’ or I get ‘yeah well if your country is like that I wouldn’t either!’ Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of great things about my country; there are a great many things I like and love about my home but I am happy where I am and find life a lot better here in Holland. I guess the fact that I have to constantly explain this is getting rather old and annoying. Sometimes it isn’t enough to state that I like it better here, they want to know why and what was it like. It makes for interesting conversation but really, why don’t you bring her there does get old quick.

worldly chatter, American expat, Dutch, Netherlands, gay rights, gay marriage

This weekend in Almere-Buiten was Western Experience and since I had never been, Dutchie thought it best if I finally experience what she had been telling me about for years now. I admit, I was picturing cowboy hats, wranglers and lots of country music with line dancing and I wasn’t disappointed, I saw plenty of that but I got a bit more than I had originally thought. The definition of western experience as defined by the average Dutch person today: The American country and Midwestern lifestyle. Cowboys and Indians, Dr. Quinn medicine woman, country music, country line dancing and just line dancing. There are cowboy hats, chaps, raccoon tails, Native American garb and American beer! Dutchie is a lover of country music, she also used to line dance as well, competing and even taking home a metal, Benelux ‘99 2^nd Place Country Walkin’ Female Open Newcomer! Go Dutchie! Yet Dutchie doesn’t do this anymore and there is a really good reason as I saw yesterday.
She danced to country, she line danced because she loves country music and wanted a place to go and have fun; meet other people who share the same passion as she does in a country not very big on country music. Yet something changed along the way; younger people wanted in and the music changed. J-Lo, Will Smith, Pussy Cat Dolls; see where I am going with this. If you do it for the music and the music goes, what do you do it for then? In Holland, very few Line Dancing groups line dance to country now a day. It has also become more of a lifestyle for many of these people; a place to where the chaps, cowboy hats and dress up like the sheriff, Dr Quinn and have the Native American feel.
This is what many people, who have never been to America, think America is. Yet who are we as American to complain, we think of Holland and think windmills wooden shoes and the girls from the Rembrandt paintings. This was quite the experience! In one line dance group they wore shirts that Garth Brooks would have worn yet weren’t very good at what they were doing. Further still was another group of people line dancing to Rihanna and other pop music! Dutchies were getting on the dance floor and line dancing to music that you find in dance clubs, not country! There was however one group that made Dutchie proud! A group who really did country line dance and did it very well! They had fun, they danced great and it was country! Yvonne & Starlines! Now they had fun and they were great to watch! You see the hat there, that’s the tails I was telling you about. Can anyone remember the last time cowboys wore those things? But really, not all Dutchies think these things are the way of the American Midwest or country music for that matter. Dutchie likes to tell me that those who believe this give the rest a bad name who know what country is and know that America doesn’t live in the cowboys and Indian phase any more. I tend to agree. Yet even with all the funny clothes and hats some of the music was good and the Starlines really shined with their good old country line dancing! I had a lot of fun though I admit it is strange to see how some view my country. There are some who see it for what it is today but there are some out there who have fun dressing as though we are in Tombstone!

Western Experience, Cowboys and Indians, Dutch Line Dancing, Country Music, Line Dancing, Yvonne & Starlines

In Yahoo news, there was an article on health care in the US verses four other countries done in this survey. Germany, Canada, Britain and Australia all have better coverage but with less money. It is well known that America has ridiculous prices, poor coverage with approximately forty million uninsured. “The U.S. health care system ranks last compared with five other nations on measures of quality, access, efficiency, equity, and outcomes,” the non-profit group which studies health care issues said in a statement. Many people get their medications now via internet through Canada because the cost of prescriptions is so high that many people cannot afford the very thing that makes them well.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day from America about coverage and payment when it comes to health insurance. This person informed me they pay $280 every two weeks for health insurance. I gasped when I heard this! Now that I am insured, I pay €150 a month and because Dutchie belongs to the ANWB, the equivalent of AAA, I get a five percent discount on my payments. My coverage is more accessible, more extensive than my friend is and it is half of what she pays. I have a five-page list of absolutely everything covered and some of it I never even thought should be covered! Certain plastic surgeries I thought would be electives and discounts at participating gyms! Pain killers are covered where once I had to pay. I can recall, with good coverage through a company I was working for, having co-pay and I still had to pay for the braces for my hand. Here I do not have co-pay and any brace I may need is covered. I can recall having to pay for the ambulance ride with state funded insurance and yet even under the most basic coverage that ride is covered. How can it be so easy in countries like Holland, Germany and Britain and so expensive in America? It is a sad state when forty million Americans aren’t insured. Here it is required that everyone be covered and approximately 150,000 – 200,000 are not insured. Compare that to forty million.

Even the difference in the way patients are treated in America still gets to me. It all depends on your insurance and money. I know no one wants to say it but there is a difference in where you can go, whether you get the help you need and how they treat you. I have seen it and experienced it. Everyone is equal until you open your wallet. I understand that medical costs money but why turn someone away simply because their insurance isn’t adequate enough, why not tell them where they can go to get help? Reason is that there aren’t many places any more that take people who don’t have the means. When I lacked insurance I could not get seen for the bronchitis I had because there wasn’t a facility near me that would see someone poor like me. I had to drive forty minutes to see someone at a clinic that didn’t have the antibiotics I could take because I am allergic to so many. So if I don’t have the gas money to go and they aren’t are not able to give me what I need then what is the point? I am stuck with bronchitis and pray it doesn’t get worse. It did of course and I had to be rushed to the ER where I then received a bill for nearly $800 for the whole affair. Again, where was I to get that kind of money? The system isn’t fair, the system is flawed and inadequate.

It just seems astonishing to me the differences in benefits, coverage and overall treatment in Europe compared to America. I am covered when I travel where if I wanted that coverage that was extra. Of course, with the traveling done and klutz I tend to be this is a needed feature in my coverage! Remembering what I had and looking at what I have now it just blows me away. I cannot believe all the things I can take care of with little to no fuss now. I was once covered in America. Once through the state and once through a company I worked with. The differences in that alone were drastic but even with the good insurance I had it doesn’t beat this and I pay so much less! I suppose it is just one more difference I see along the way.

US Healthcare system, Medical insurance, European medical coverage, ORHA, Netherlands medical insurance

There are things I have been hesitant to try here in the Netherlands. Not much is on this list but I saw them as huge hurdles to overcome. One such thing was haring. Oh how the idea of eating raw fish freaked me out! The first birthday for Dutchie that I was here we went to her mom’s house and her sister was there as well. She brought with her haring, chopped onions and buns. Brootje haring met uien. I didn’t dare have any that day as I was new to all things Dutch and raw fish was simply not going in my mouth! That was ten years ago and I hadn’t been bold enough to try this Dutch delight until this weekend. Now while you can find this virtually everywhere not all Dutch like the idea of eating raw fish. You can eat haring as a standalone, as a sandwich, broodje haring, and with or without onion, uien, also raw. I am not a fan of raw onion so I got a broodje haring zonder uien.
We were at the market on Saturday, a beautiful day and we were in need of some fruit and vegetables. With our purchases in hand Dutchie got the idea that this day would be the day I tried haring since we were passing a fish stand. Dutchie was by my side for this huge event, placed some napkins in case this wasn’t such a good idea and I needed to get the thing out of my mouth asap as well as her phone to capture the whole thing on video. I literally prayed so that the taste would be wondrous and I could say, ‘yes I like it!’
I don’t think God accepts personal requests for taste bud changes in an instant.
It’s cold with a sea water flavor and a slimy film that clings to your tongue and the back of your throat. Even with dry bread the texture of fish, slimy, raw and cold with this flavor of sea water and something all together new to my taste buds cannot be masked. It sits in your mouth and only after you have sucked on a strong minty cough drop can you breathe a sigh of relief that the experience is over. The napkins that Dutchie put by my side came in handy as the one bite I did manage to take was taken out of my mouth, or what was left of it as I actually did swallow some of this stuff. Dutchie in the meantime captured the silent prayer, the only bite and every facial expression my face was capable of making in a video that is less than a minute long. She then took the broodje haring and ate it for me as we cannot let it go to waste you see. She is a Dutchie who likes her haring, preferably with uien.
The lesson in all this is simple. Do not be afraid to try new things when traveling. Do not expect to like everything you put in your mouth but be open enough to like it. And if you put in a silent prayer before trying such delights, could you put one up for me?

food phobias, broodje haring, haring

You don’t realize you can’t have something until someone tells you oh no, not here, you can’t have that! Well, my head cold that I have had since Thursday is reminding me of the medicine I used to take in the United States and how I can’t have them anymore. With my first landing I brought with me Benadryl, I took it for my allergies and thought; it will be helpful there too so in it went. No, it didn’t help. The air and pollen is different, more potent and the Benadryl failed to ease my suffering like it did in the states. Yet on an entirely different note I learned that not only does it not work, it isn’t allowed. Sedatives are added to the mix, albeit small, they are still in there and a big no, no in the Netherlands.
You see, the drugs that you buy over the counter in Holland are weaker than what you buy in America. For one thing, anything with sedatives in it of any kind is prescription only so that means stuff like Vicks NyQuill or Tylenol PM are out of the question! Some of the extra strength drugs that you can buy in any drug store in American may not necessarily be found here over our counters. Extra strength isn’t something you see a whole lot of and if you feel you need to get something stronger than what is available then you need to see a doctor, which brings me to my next point on having a cold here in the Netherlands.
In living with another expat for a time while here I watched her interacting with doctors and pharmacists and how her Dutchman interacted with those very same people. The difference was astonishing to me. If you can recall, my fellow American readers, a typical pharmacy and what you can get there. Stuff for your head, stomach, back, allergies and just about anything you can think of. You can get it in mild doses to extra strength doses; you don’t need to pour your agony out to a doctor to get something to ease your suffering. The range of antidotes is large and the FDA has approved all of it for our consumption. We have doctors to get the stronger stuff or tend to the issues we have that a CVS can’t cure. They write out little prescriptions like giving candy to a five year old and off we go. I remember how easy it was to get pain killers after my surgery. I wasn’t in agony, two Tylenol and I was dealing fine but my doctor gave me a prescription, just in case. It expired before I used the pills but they were there, just in case.
Now let us get back to my expat friend and her Dutchman. Dutchman had an issue with his neck, a bad case of whiplash from a car accident. There were days when he wasn’t getting up it hurt that bad. He was informed that he could try working out the surrounding muscles so that his neck can get stronger, acupuncture and physical therapy. When it first happened they gave him something for his pain but when I was there I never saw him actually take anything. Not one pill. Alright I thought. The expat was a different matter. She had some aches and pains in her back and knees. Nothing life threatening, just her body telling her she was a tad overweight and needed to stop putting all this pressure on her knees. She went to the Dutch doctors here and asked for something stringer to help. The over the counter stuff was not helping her knees and her back wasn’t getting any better. She fought with them, tried bringing up every point under the sun to express her need. The Dutch doctors wanted her to walk more, her joints were stiff. Lose some weight and the problem should fix itself. The Dutch are direct, remember this. A dear friend she was but I personally didn’t see the need to get drugs when all she had to do was heed the advice of the doctors. No, she ranted on until she pushed hard enough they gave up and gave them to her. It isn’t as easy to get medication here in Holland as it is in America.
Mind you, if you have something serious, they will take care of you. Take for example the Dutchman. He had a serious case and they tried to tend to him as best they could; advice and pills for the pain, anti-inflammatory pills and other such treatments. Yet they are not big on just tossing prescriptions around, after all, it isn’t candy. Remembering how things worked in America and learning how they work here I can see a distinct difference. The difference between being dependent on quick fixes, over the counter stuff and doctors verses taking only when it is necessary.
Now I admit it, I miss my Vicks Dayquil and NyQuil. It kicked butt when it came to cold and flues. Going to the drug store for tissues, Vicks and a bag of cough drops was rather handy. Now I have stuff to help me sweat it out, make me cough to get the gunk out, sprays for my nose and the endless supplies of tissues. Let us not forget the cough drops to sooth the throat! Actually finding something to suppress the cold is a rather challenging feat. The medicine you find here forces your body to get it out. It helps your body fight it rather than make you feel better and have the cold fester and slowly die.
I am finishing my hot liquids to make me sweat and going to read a book. This cold has had me since Thursday but it is actually getting better. My body is fighting it now, not just suppressing it.

American expats, Netherlands, FDA, over the counter meds in Holland

I went to the market yesterday to pick up some vegetables for dinner. All I needed was celery and peppers but since the market is only moments away from where I live I took the walk despite the cold and rain we were experiencing. It wasn’t a horrid time out so I thought about walking about the center of Hilversum. I was curious about coffee to go.
I am sure my American readers can think of a dozen places to get coffee; Dunken Doughnuts or your favorite deli. My personal favorite was 7-11 coffee. The disposable cups with little plastic lids, for the serious drinkers there are the travel mugs ready to be used morning noon and night! I often got coffee at the deli on Sunrise highway in my New York town or the local gas station or Dunken Doughnuts in CT. When you are on the go it’s convenient and sometimes even better than the coffee you make at home. Yet I have to admit, I don’t see people around here with those little disposable cups like I did in the states. To be honest the only time I see it is when you are at a gas station on the highway somewhere where they don’t expect you to stay for more than a minute or so. Can I actually get coffee to go?
You see the atmosphere is different here in the Netherlands, in most European nations for that matter. In the UK everyone stops for tea or coffee, the French love to sit at their favorite terrace and drink and even the Dutch have their favorite places to stop for coffee or tea. They have koffie tijd, (coffee time) at ten in the morning where they literally stop what they are doing for coffee. In my ventures throughout Holland, whether it is in Hilversum or Amsterdam, when you want coffee you pick a place and sit to drink it as they automatically assume you will stay. A cup and saucer are delivered with coffee; a little spoon, one cookie and milk and sugar if you’d like. One place me and Dutchie love to get a good cappuccino is Hema. It’s a department store a lot like Wal-mart or K-mart. They have a small cafeteria where you can get sandwiches, little snack foods and drinks. People will walk in simply for the cafeteria without buying anything else. This idea that you are in such a rush that you can’t sit for coffee at some point during the day seems so alien to the people around me. Even though I lived on Long Island and CT that fast paced life was still in me. School, work, social life or whatever else came in to play life could get quite hectic. Did you really have time during the day to sit for twenty minutes to drink a cup of coffee when you could drink it while on the go?
This laid back mentality doesn’t just limit itself to coffee either. Dinner is eaten slower, a quick stop at a friend’s house isn’t exactly quick and shopping is definitely different. Dutchie didn’t like the busyness of New York life. We stopped for coffee in the city and while my mom was ready to take the coffee to go Dutchie wanted to drink and relax. Shopping was from store to store with no stop in between and the car seemed to be the only way to get around. Walking, taking a stop in between stores is a part of everyday life here. What is so important that you have to be on the go twenty four hours a day?
So back to the hunt for coffee! Mag ik een kop koffie? (Can I have a cup of coffee?) This was the phrase I went to town with. I stopped at Bagels and Beans for a cup of coffee and asked mag ik een kopje koffie? Sure enough she went for the cup and saucer! Mee nemen? (to take with) That’s when she looked at me with a perplexed expression and slowly put the cup away. She grabbed the disposable cup and lid and began to make my coffee. How happy I was! I paid the 1.60 and was on my merry way. Stopped outside to have a smoke and sip my coffee. The next place on my list! Bakker Bart is a bakery and is a few moments walk to the other side of the center. I walked in and tried to eye those little disposable cups. Sure enough they were there! McDonalds and a little deli type place where you can go in or order at the window. Dutchie says you can get coffee to go at the grocery store at the train station. So now I have four places where I can take it to go. Is it that odd that this American wants coffee to go? According to the expression on the women’s face it was. My accent tells the woman where I am from and it seems it all makes sense to her after a moment’s thought. I am a rushed busy American!
Since my first landing this is the first time I attempted to grab a cup of coffee to go in Holland and is not an easy feet by any means! I have become so used to the idea that you sit with your coffee that I almost forgot what it was like to carry around a cup of coffee while on a walk through town. Am I losing that New York minute I had? Once I came home I pondered the difference between life in the US and here. How fast paced the US can be and how there isn’t much time in the day to enjoy what is around us. My New York minute mentality is leaving me, I know this now. I knew it when Dutchie and I went back to visit the family. I felt rushed and drained by all the hustle and bustle. Where once I kept up nicely I now feel that it moves too fast, life needs to slow for just a moment so I can catch up.

culture shocks, American Expat, Europe, coffee, cultural differences, Netherlands

I mentioned before that in September I am getting married. A day that is supposed to be joyous no matter how small or elaborate the day; it is meant to be special based on the couple marrying and the family and friends who attend. I can’t wait for my day; I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it and a smile from ear to ear. I know it will be here in Holland and that my family, living in New York, have quite a trek to get here but wouldn’t it be worth it to see their only daughter? I would like to think so. Yet my day has caused turmoil. Not something I have wanted but unfortunately expected. You see if you haven’t noticed dear readers in my previous posts that my marriage isn’t of the ‘norm’. I am a gay woman who will marry my Dutchie in September. I cannot marry her in America where my friends and family are and I cannot bring her there to stay. So here in the Netherlands where they are more liberal and open minded we will marry. I know it hasn’t always been this way for the Netherlands. It wasn’t until 1998 that the Netherlands allowed domestic partnership and finally in 2001 full marriage rights. My country is trying to do the reverse and it saddens me. Not only because my country is doing this but because it is all based on religion and personal beliefs that the country is making its decision.
Naturally you have people on this side of the pond who oppose the marriage laws here and I imagine there always will be, the Netherlands are not without their own individuals who wish to suppress the rights of others, however the option is still given to me because enough people were open minded to the idea of gays having rights just as anyone else. I don’t wish to generalize but facts dictate that majority who oppose it are of the religious influence. Those who wish to make laws of a nation based on a book they consider holy. These individuals reside in our governments as well as residing in our families and neighbors. They push my rights aside because of a belief I don’t hold, because of something they can’t see because it happens in the privacy of my own home. Whether I like it or not they are in my very family.
The reason I write all this? Because of religion and some concept that I am sinful in the actions I take based on another’s personal opinion I have members of my family who will not attend. I have nothing against God or how you believe in God, that isn’t my issue. My issue is the fact that if you have issue with my life or some aspect of it then say so and accept that we won’t agree on it. Instead I get ridiculous side answers that actually have nothing to do with the issue at hand. I can’t go because of this that and the other thing when the underlying reason is something I do that you don’t like. Why not just say it is because I hate the things you do? It seems it’s because they don’t want to upset the balance of my life or challenge their conscious. I would rather they tell it straight forward and get it over with.
That’s what I like about Europeans and the Dutch in particular. There is no beating around the bush. If it is based on your religion that you cannot attend then they say so. If they have issue, they tell you and if possible give something to back it up or at least have the conviction to stand by it without wavering. Not everyone is religious and not everyone sees that my life is sinful and somehow harmful to the human race at large. If you accept that not everyone believes as you and that they have this right then you are open minded enough to not deny them something. I am not Christian, I don’t see my life as going to hell and I do not feel that my life is influential enough to affect the human race at large. At least most of the Christians here are decent enough to admit that it doesn’t and Holland was the first to see that. Why can’t my country accept that I am not Christian and therefore should not have to contend with Christian law?
I now get to contend with the guessing games of whether my wedding will harm or embarrass the Christians in my life and I have to deal with the ignorance they have and they feel I have. I get I accept you but not this aspect, I want you to be this way and if I can have it law then you have to! I mean no disrespect to any American or Christian out there, I truly don’t but how does my wedding affect you so greatly and why can’t you just give me a straight answer instead of telling me the bible says it’s so.
If it sounds harsh or angry I suppose it is because I am. Ignorance is not bliss and pushing a country backwards because of a belief that not all share is ignorance and foolishness in my opinion. Christianity is the majority in America and the majority of these Christians attempt to push their views on everyone around them and for what? What does get you? It does not show that you are Christian like by squashing someone else into hell with a book and it does not show your openness to humans in general. I know there are Christians in Holland who feel the same way and I see it on the news. The same mentality as the Americans trying to push it on the masses and get what they want. I am however grateful that the majority of Dutch people think past their own views to see the fairness of everyone. If they didn’t I wouldn’t be getting married in September.

Netherlands, gay marriage, religion, Christianity, homosexuality, equal rights

There are moments when I feel lost as an American. Maybe it is because I am far from the influence of the country. In either case I was having a conversation with Dutchie last night after watching the movie Shut up and sing. Such conversations start off with something that triggers emotion and a thought process that rambles on and gets your skin to tingle. I am no advocate for anything, I just voice what I think and feel and after finally watching the movie about what Natalie Maine’s said and what it did to them it stirred something in me and a detailed and passionate conversation ensued between myself and Dutchie. My ability to understand American politics is sometimes rocky but I do the best that I can and now that I am outside the bubble I see and hear better than I thought it possible.
The band was banned from radio, people protested by burning their CD’s, DVD’s and they wore proudly on their shirts their distrust and hatred for the Dixie Chicks. One woman said that Natalie should be strapped to a bomb and drop her in the middle of Bagdad. Another elderly gentleman was filmed stating that she has the right to say what she wants so long as it isn’t outside the country and in public settings. If there is such thing as free speech then what does it matter what she says, how she says it and where she says it? If we go by the gentleman and what he had to say about the matter, we are limited to free speech in the privacy of our homes. Calling them a communist for voicing their opinion, branding them a slut for something said on stage doesn’t even make sense to me and unpatriotic was used so often.
Yet isn’t being patriotic using those rights and privileges that our forefathers died for? America is labeled as the land of the free and with that label they state we have the right to voice our thoughts, we have the right to express ourselves in any fashion so long as it isn’t harming anyone else. So we as Americans have the right to write what we like, sing what we like and voice whatever comes out of our head no matter if anyone likes it or not. It is our right and patriotic duty as an American to use those rights and privileges granted us. So what happens when you actually use that right and it goes against the grain? Being shunned, threatened and a childish mentality sets in when they name call, throw fits and burn the things that represent you.
So my question is this; are rights given us free to use so long as it doesn’t harm anyone physically or are there strings attached to it? And it goes way beyond just freedom of speech; it goes right along all the other rights granted us as Americans. There are strings attached, invisible lines we cannot cross and the silent uh oh and no’s that should be ringing in our ears.
Don’t get me wrong, there are great things about the country I come from but just like any other country there are perks and then the things that need a good working on. Racism and discrimination exists still even after all that America has gone through to rid it from their lives. On paper women are treated equal but not in all cases is it physically shown. Heterosexuals can marry but are adamant that homosexuals should not get the same freedoms of happiness, a loving marriage and benefits that come with it. Why? Why is this country so divided on such simple issues as having equal rights for all and then actually executing them? If we are created equal in the eyes of God as so many are good at stating at the same time stating this country was founded on God then why aren’t we? Whether America was founded under God or not is irrelevant at the moment, what is relevant is God is used so often to get what one wants. It is immoral in the eyes of God therefore we cannot give you this. If you want to go that route then you should also remember that God gave us free will and denying someone of something is going against that free will instilled in us all. If you want to look at it away from God then how about this; equal rights should be just that, equal. Fair and just, unbiased and done with an open mind in that I mean if you were denied something how would you feel, how would you like it? Treat others as you would like to be treated my mother used to say.
Movies are made to bring something out of you, emotion of any kind depending on the film; funny and relaxing in some cases, scared and thought provoking in others. This one made me think and got me angry. I carry the badge of being an American where ever I go and will for the rest of my life. I want that badge to say that I come from a country that is doing the best it can to make sure everyone is treated equally; I want it to say that my country is a place I can call home because I am free to make the life of my choosing. Right now I don’t see that. I see a country divided and full of hatred and bigotry. I see a country too hung up on itself and its own needs and faith that they can’t see an entire class of people who are legally being discriminated against. Why is it I as well as so many others have to leave the country of our birth to find the simple things that others already have?
Yes, movies can strike up interesting conversations. They show you how some places grow and change with the times in order to make sure all are treated fairly and equally and it shows how others stand still or even go backwards. Being outside the bubble I see more than I thought I would. I see my country in ways I wish I didn’t have to and it saddens me in such ways I am not sure I can put into proper words.

living abroad, American expat, Shut up and sing, equal rights, freedom of speech

I am tired, so very tired. It seems I have to defend myself often to those who don’t seem to understand me anymore or to individuals I don’t even know. I am just an American and all Americans are the same right? That’s what I am told anyway. When I first moved here I never thought I was going to have to deal with looks and comments and carry on the reputation of an entire nation whenever I opened my mouth and yet I feel I do at times. Most people I attempt to simply ignore and walk away from as I don’t know them any more than they know me and I don’t feel this overwhelming desire to defend myself to strangers. It’s hard to carry your head high walking away all the time. Though when it comes to people I do know that’s a different matter entirely and to defend myself to them is exhausting me. I have changed too much being in Europe and I have lost that American pride and patriotism to some. I don’t see my country the same and it shows. I have become too opinionated and outspoken to those that thought me shy. You need to be more American, you need to show them how Americans really are. I don’t want to carry on that task and they press on, that’s un-American or that’s not the way we do it here. I am not there anymore!

When we went to New York for two and a half weeks I felt so lost; I felt this sudden urge to grab the next flight out of JFK back to Holland. I had become too accustomed to living in Europe. Not just the food, architecture and other such trivial things but the people, the mentalities and personalities I have become comfortable in. We talked politics and I finally had an opinion, my interaction with my family and my surroundings weren’t as reserved as they once had been. I felt different so I spoke different and acted different. I love living in Europe, I love Holland and want to understand and become a part of my surroundings. Does that mean I lose a part of myself along the way? Do I become un-American in doing so and no longer carry that torch of showing the world who America is?

No I didn’t vote for Bush, no I don’t like the policies on Iraq and gay marriage, yes I want change and yes I am glad the democrats took congress. These are the things I have to express because not everyone one agrees with the current administration and since Bush got elected twice it seems a common opinion that all Americans voted him in. I do not represent the entire population of America, I represent me, myself and I. Americans are looked at as selfish, unmotivated and full of talk with not much to say but this isn’t all Americans. Americans are looked at as war hungry, censored, prejudicial and a nation without its own opinion. It isn’t the case for all Americans. I can no more represent America than I do Europe or Holland. That’s why we have Ambassadors and representatives who are nominated and elected to do the job, it doesn’t rest on the tourists and expats but so often it does. We carry the weight whether we like it or not. Just as anyone coming to America or any other country they represent their country and people, whether they want the weight or not. It just is.

I have adapted to the surroundings I put myself in and it doesn’t always agree with friends and family. Yes I do things that aren’t quite American but I don’t live in America any more yet somehow this makes me un-American. I defend my country in some areas and I am told I am a typical American, opinionated and unable to see anyone else’s point of view; if I disagree I am unpatriotic. How can I win? Where do I fit in? If it just is how do I make the weight more bearable?

I am simply tired. I am tired of people not understanding, tired of being expected to stay American and tired of being expected to give it up. I know not everyone is expected to understand and I respect the opinions of others when it comes to my decisions and changes. I am just tired.

expat life, American expat

Who decides what is right for any culture? Isn’t it the culture itself which decides what is good and true and what is wrong and distasteful? Here I sit in a now heated debate over that very subject. What is appropriate and what is unacceptable behavior, who decides and who should benefit from such a decision.

I was once a woman who looked at any other culture as fascinating yet alien and abnormal. If it was different, it wasn’t right. I moved to such a culture where I didn’t know it, understand it and wanted it to change for my needs. Naive and foolish is what I and my thoughts were. When you leave your native land for another country for whatever reason you need to leave behind the notions that you can change the country and people you are moving to. Am I, the foreigner allowed to judge the habits of another when it is perfectly acceptable to them and not to me? No, if this is the custom of that land then the stranger cannot come in and judge or change it.

So I sit here now, a little wiser and more understanding of my surroundings, in the midst of an on line chat with expats such as myself debating on whether or not the way women in this country behave and speak is acceptable or not. I mean not to judge or categorize an entire populous of people in what I write; I only intend to write of my observations and experiences on the matter, the topic being the differences between women in Europe and American women. European women have, from my experiences, a way to be direct and to the point. They feel no need to beat around the bush and tip toe to make life a little easier for someone else. They speak their minds, and lack the ability to paint a pretty picture when the art work should be ugly. If you ask them what they think, they will tell you, even if it is to say you look bad in this or your opinion is naive and narrow minded.

The word tact has come up more times than it should and rudeness is another word being used to describe a class of women who in reality are kind and attentive. They are not indifferent to those around them and are not rude when they speak. They are women who are strong in their convictions, tasteful and delicate when need be and direct and honest to whom they encounter. Is there anything wrong with that? But if someone comes across the pond who is brought up dainty, taught to beat around the bush and avoid those toes at all costs and start pointing fingers and bashing the behavior of others it gets a little annoying and can cause arguments to ensue.

American women were raised differently than European women, why? Simply that their life experiences are different, their histories are by no means similar. It makes for living very diverse. Does it mean that either is right or wrong? No, it shouldn’t but it does mean you should respect the other culture and leave your eyes open to understand them as a whole and as an individual. Stating that all American women are weak too opinionated and uneducated to back up that opinion is also something one should not do. Do you know each American and for that matter do you know every European? Judging and demanding change is unreasonable and wrong.

I have heard conversations where Americans were generalized and put down for this reason or that. I have heard similar things when it came to the Europeans. There should be no generalizing at all. We are different and that is OK. It is acceptable to live differently, act and speak to what we know. So why go into someone’s home and tell them how they should raise their kids and cook food? Would anyone appreciate it if it were done to them? Probably not yet so many do it. As in this heated debate. Such cruel things are spoken to an entire class of people and for what reason, ignorance and the refusal to accept change and adapt to your surroundings? They live in a country not their own and expect people to make it as though it is. They demand change when there is no reason to ask for such a thing. You choose to leave then you must accept your decision and adapt to the place you live now and not try and change the masses to suit you.

Here is a thought to ponder. I read in this chat that they don’t have to like, accept or adapt to the differences between them, the expats, and the culture they put themselves in. They will go on as they are and if they don’t like the way people are here they will just avoid them all together. Wouldn’t that alienate you and make your life miserable? The way people speak about each other and the places from which they come can sound so hateful and discriminatory. They expect it to be ok to speak about people in such a way that leaves others to believe they are barbarians or people unable to blend with others and get along with. Why expect it to be ok to say such things to others when in the very next sentence hate when people do it to you?

living abroad, cultural differences, Europeans, Americans, expats